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February 16, 2003
Meow《生命終結前的廾四小時》
「……小姐，你的驗身報告已經有了。很抱歉，証實你已患上末期癌症……」
我所患的是血癌，聽到這句話的時候，彷彿只是昨天的事。但不知不覺間，已經三年前的事了，醫生說能活著至今，可算是個奇蹟。三年前的我對這個病十分陌生，自小身體十分壯健的我，連傷風感冒等小病都沒患過，更沒想過會患上如此嚴重的病。所以，當聽到這個消息時有如晴天霹靂般，把我帶到人生中的一個谷底……
我完全不能夠接受這個事實。自那天起，脾氣亦變得暴躁，本有一份薪金不薄的正職，亦因為無心做事，身體變得虛弱而最終被解僱。身邊的朋友，亦因自己無理取鬧，消極的行為，吃不消而一一離去……
日子一天一天的過，每天吃廿多粒的藥丸，去化療去電療，千根髮絲一絲一絲的掉下，樣子一天比一天瘡白，那種痛苦，無人能夠體會得到。多次自殺的念頭在我的腦海裏閃過，但總是在下刀前的一剎那又停了下來。從前那個積極開朗的我去了哪裡？我不知道，好有可能，那個我早已死了，現在的我只是孤單一個，剩下沒有靈魂的軀殼，我再一次拿起刀，把刀玩弄著……
生命只剩下廿四小時，我已經望不清眼前一切，迷迷糊糊的。我只知道我閉著眼睛，口上被戴上不知什麼的東西，耳邊有人喃喃地談論著……我要死了嗎？感覺到我漸漸失去力氣，連思想的力氣也沒有了，我睡著了，終於可以安安心心地睡一覺……
Posted by ruofei at February 16, 2003 12:00 AM
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